Don't Pick Me, Bro

"The NCAA Men's Division I Basketball Championship is a single elimination tournament held each spring in the United States, featuring 68 college basketball teams, both conference champions and at-large selections. The tournament, organized by the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA), was created in 1939 by the National Association of Basketball Coaches and was the brainchild of Kansas coach Phog Allen. Held mostly in March, it is informally known as March Madness or the Big Dance; the tournament, and especially the national semi-finals and final (the Final Four), has become one of the nation's most prominent sporting events."

Wikipedia page for "NCAA Men's Division I Basketball Championship," March 17, 2011

I made sacrifices for the team last night. It's not the first time.

I can read the pivotal moment like the veteran I am; I could see that Kansas would only be able to throw down the hammer on their #16-seeded opponent in the second round of the Big Dance if I left the room.

It was time to start the laundry.

Make no mistake. I'd waited all day for this game, just like Mr. Jayhawk. I had ordered my time, my tasks, and my pre-game meal around what would put me in the best possible position for focus. To do what would be best for the team.

After several years - some of them recent - when Kansas exited this annual tilt "prematurely" (which means, earlier than the pundits, fans, alums, and fans-by-marriage had expected or been told to expect based on a myriad of multivariate factors and statistics), I was ready for anything. This year's seeding and draw had two overwhelmingly disturbing attributes.

Namely, the "B" jinx.

And, in the history of the tournament, the "no 16-seed has ever defeated a one-seed" jinx.

These two pithy problems were compounded by what I like to call the "Commander-in-Chief Jinx," which was revealed while I was in a St. Louis-area hotel room earlier in the week. I groaned aloud and wondered why he didn't choose to pander for Ohio votes by naming the Buckeyes. We've already been down this road before. Specifically, last year. And, everyone knows what happened. If they don't, they get to hear about it this year every time the Jayhawks take the floor. To wit, the Northern Iowa upset by a two-point basket that was swiftly and predictably followed by the ousting of said Panthers by Michigan State in the next round.

So, I think the track record of the CIC speaks long and loudly for itself - in all matters of men's basketball and well beyond. I'm not sure how the University of Connecticut women's basketball program escapes this burden. But, I'm expecting them to do it again this year. It feels like Maya Moore is a tenth-year senior. If she shows up for pre-season next year, I think the NCAA should look into the situation.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch....

The "no 16-seed has ever defeated a one-seed in the history of the tournament" jinx just seemed ripe for the picking by the team from the program that basically invented the game. That the coach for which their Fieldhouse is named (Allen), launching the infamous warning ("Beware of the Phog"), was the champion for this madness in the first place would suggest to me that the 2011 edition of the Mythical Birds was well-positioned to take this hit. If the cumulative layering of jinxing was firing on all cylinders, then multiplying the CIC jinx by the one-seed jinx would equal a perfect storm for program ridicule to Infinity. And, beyond.

So, it was no surprise to me that Boston University came out shooting from beyond the arc like a four-seed. That the Jayhawks appeared to have forgotten their offensive answer(s) to the 2-3 zone defense. And, perhaps in a nod to UNI in 2010, that they were making BU's perimeter shooters look like they were NBA ringers in the first half.

Yes, certainly, KU was adjusting and beginning to modestly take control just before halftime. But, it wasn't enough. Not enough to stop worrying about that other, mysterious jinx.

The "B" jinx.

On my life, I was there; but, I didn't see the upset by one point coming in 2005 to the Bucknell Bison. A 14-seed with zero NCAA Tournament victories in its 110-year history, five scholarship players and even a borrowed band. I guess that qualified as a double-B jinx - as in, "Bucknell Band." An oxymoron.

On my life, I was there; but, I didn't see the upset by four points coming in 2006 to the Bradley Braves. A 13-seed that gave a team that had nothing to do with what was by then known as the "Bucknell Bummer" something to think about.

Separately, why do all these "B" teams have mascots with "B" names? Okay, Kansas was a very young team that year. But, old enough to be named a four-seed.

So, I was watching a slow-paced, slug-fest against another "B" team last night and trying to shake the jinx. I considered that - maybe - a review of all the associated "B" names that haven't exactly been bad luck for Kansas would help.

"Bill." Self, the head coach. "Brady." Morningstar, the marvelous senior from the backyard of Lawrence, Kansas who, periodically, shoots three-pointers unconsciously. "Baylor." A team that under-performed this season and presented no threat. In fact, they dutifully reclined a la doormat in Waco for their home game against the Jayhawks this year. Booya!!

"Big." For Big XII - their conference.

Oops. Maybe that's a bad choice, since the Big XII is currently only the Big X after two defections by Nebraska and Colorado. Which is a problem in the Big Ten, now with 12 teams playing next year and a huge marketing stumble trying to decide what to call themselves and explain why they have 12 teams.

They finally settled on BIG. Which, I guess is as good as anything. But, that doesn't help Kansas. At least, I don't think so.

No, now I could only hear in my head the B names with a less-than-silver lining. Bucknell. Bradley. BIG. Barack. Boston.

I had already spoken to ma boy, Thomas Robinson, about what he needed to do. And, with the playing time he was given, he was mostly doing it.

It was time to leave the room.

It worked on April 7, 2008. Not only did I leave the room - I turned off the TV and went upstairs to one of the bedrooms. Bedroom. B-word. I flipped on a different TV and got a different result - a three-pointer by Mario Chalmers with time running out on the clock to put Kansas into overtime and eventually defeat Memphis. A team that was later found to be dirtier than dirt, requiring them to vacate that season and that loss on their side of the ledger.

So, I left Mr. Jayhawk to fume and sweat over a six-point lead and started the washer.

I found a few other things to do. I managed to occupy myself, listening only for signs of distress from himself or to recognize if something good was happening for Kansas based on crowd noise levels.

I heard a big roar. But, I was disciplined. I stayed in my passing lane and out of the room.

I heard another big roar. I wasn't hearing anything from Mr. Jayhawk and wondered if he, too, had left the room. But, I stayed focused and emptied a trash basket in the powder bathroom.

I heard another, HUGE roar. That's all I heard. But, in my self-sacrificing mode, I decided to brush my teeth.

Then, I heard another, hugely HUGE roar. I was thinking it was time to re-enter the field of battle. Before I could decide, I heard the reassuring seven-note bumper music that signals a time-out in March Madness. "duh-da-duh-da-DUH-Duh-Duh."

I ran (sort of) back to see what awesome awesomeness I had missed. Sure enough. I had taken one for the team.

I came around the corner to find that Kansas had hit three consecutive three-pointers after a Brady three-point attempt had first rimmed out.

They - and, I - never looked back.

Back. B word. As in, "I got yours."

Bill Self and the Jayhawks will now face Illinois in the third round. All things Illini hate Bill Self for leaving them to take the Kansas job.

I'm thinking of spending the game in the Basement.