Going-Away Party Cake at Young & Rubicam/Los Angeles August, 1981 
Crossing the state line August, 1981.
Leaving California with remaining possessions and wedding gifts; squeezing Maid of Honor into picture, October 29, 1981.
“Kansas is a state of the Union, but it is also a state of mind, a neurotic condition, a psychological phase, a symptom, indeed, something undreamed of in your philosophy, an inferiority complex against the tricks and manners of plutocracy -- social, political and economic.”
William Allen White, American Journalist known as the Sage of Emporia (1868-1944)
"I don't know if I want to go to New York. They'll have to pay me a lot more money because I like it here in Kansas City."
Roger Maris, American professional baseball player (1934-1985)
As Madness Marches forward, I'm orchestrating my day around a schedule of broadcasts for which no one consulted me. If I want to be at the proper angle for flatscreen viewing, I'll need to take my seat by 2:30 pm Mountain, to be followed by the tip of the only other game that matters today at 5:05 pm. I'll repeat this process by 12:20 p.m. tomorrow, the broadcast time for the next match slated to fray my nerves. A fourth game is scheduled; but, if the Jayhawks don't defeat the inexplicable Virginia Commonwealth Rams before that, my Mrs. Jayhawk duties will be complete for another year. And, I'll be sad. Very, very sad.
Look what Dr. Jayhawk hath wrought. As he mellows with age, I'm on pins and needles. Frankly, I think he's twisting on that prickly seat as well. He's just learned how to submerge his angst so he can feign amusement at me. I returned late yesterday afternoon from four days of business travel to Kansas City - Jayhawk Land - with a fresh, new cotton KU shirt for him. He didn't cut off the tag until the team blew the Richmond Spiders back to Virginia in a gusty Kansas wind of basketball tutelage by 20 points.
We're always superstitious that way. My nerves are all his fault. Prior to 1981, I didn't care about the University of Kansas or the Jayhawks. Almost 30 years later, I'm completely in. "All In."
One of his many large, framed certificates of accomplishment says that the University of Kansas School of Law conferred on him the degree of Juris Doctor on January 9, 1981. But the School of Law didn't have a mid-year commencement, and his ceremony was not held until May. Though not impossible, it's unlikely we would be married if the KU School of Law had not made their graduates wait until a certain weekend in May. Sort of coincidentally, I decided to visit family in Olathe on that same weekend. The story of why I was there on that particular weekend has nothing to do with the availability of the relatives and everything to do with the fact that, if I was in the vicinity of Lawrence, Kansas on that weekend, I would get to see Mark for lunch.
We had disbanded our relationship more than four years prior, and I was curious to see what a period of graduate school at Magdalen College in Oxford, England and three years of law school had done to someone I had known for 13 years. We were what felt like light years away from our undergraduate experiences at USC. I was employed by the largest advertising agency in the world and based in Los Angeles. I wasn't going to move - for anyone - unless it was to go to New York City.
Lunch turned into afternoon window shopping on The Plaza. To prolong the time, he suggested that I should see KU. So I would know where he had been all this time. It's not like I was completely mesmerized by the campus, although it had - and has - several notable high points, vistas, venerable old buildings, and the like. Most of our major college campuses in America can say the same.
But, I was in tears by the time the driving tour had ended. It was unplanned, unexpected, not motivated by any intent to manipulate his emotions. I was mourning the loss of sharing his KU experience with him. I didn't like the way it felt. I didn't want to feel that way anymore. But, he had joined a law firm in Wichita, and I wasn't going to move for anyone. Repeat after me - "unless it was to go to New York City."
Yes, he had been too busy as a law student to sleep in a tent to get the coveted first-come, first-served student seats for the home basketball games. He'd study until the last minute before games, which were conveniently located just across the street from the School of Law at Allen Fieldhouse. Then, he'd get in line, show his student pass, and take a position in what was left - the rafters. But, he was in. In. "In." And, he would have gotten me in somehow, too. He was like that. He is like that.
The only time I've ever been in Allen Fieldhouse was for a campus visit in May, 2006 when Shannon was transferring from USC to...somewhere... to play soccer. We drove over to Lawrence on Memorial Day weekend and got the VIP tour. Standing in "The Phog" gave me the chills. The echos were haunting. The missed opportunities continued to haunt me, too.
I may never attend a home game there. I have seen the Jayhawks play in person - but, it was in California or Boulder, Colorado. It's not the same. I can't get those years back. Perhaps I've been trying to make up for it ever since. It's not like I was meant to be in Lawrence, Kansas when Mark was in Law School. I don't think we were meant to be married until we were - on October 24, 1981.
I left Lawrence that day in May, 1981 for the ride back to Olathe with a heart filled with despair and sadness. He decided that he should drive over to see me again on Sunday night, and my relatives kindly invited him for something to eat at their home. Before the dishes were even cleared, he was figuratively on one knee in their living room.
I said "yes." But, I didn't know what I was going to do next. After all, I wasn't going to move for anyone.
But, I did. And, he did. And, we did.
And, the University of Kansas and the team many love to hate, the Kansas Jayhawks, will always be linked to that day in May.
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